In contemplating this second impression of I, I must remind myself that tolerance, like all the other impressions I am writing about during the Holy Nights, is a quality of consciousness that bears the imprint of something beyond my consciousness. If my consciousness is like an lake, I see the impressions like ripples made by a raindrop that falls from far beyond my soul. The raindrop disappears into the lake, but I see the ripples that reveal the drop's presence.
During the Holy Nights our consciousness rises above its own surface and can look down into its own depths. We get a bit closer to where the raindrops come from and see, not just the ripples, but the path of the raindrop as it becomes one with the lake.
(I just did a google search and found this wonderful drop photo by Richard Polin. Here is his website http://richardpilon.com -- and do look at his 100 Strangers Project - a perfect example of tolerance - behind a camera we see with tolerance. Imagine your Holy Nights' I as an ever-present camera - embracing everything that comes into focus.)
Tolerance
If I experience tolerance within my consciousness, what am I tolerating? I am tolerating something I do not or cannot understand!
Unlike understanding which does not need to articulate what is being understood, tolerance is strengthened by attention to articulating its object because in the mood of tolerance we come to know that which we do not understand.
Through the imprint of our I, we can tolerate thoughts, feelings and behaviors that are different, oppositional, or painful to what we identify with. When we tolerate, we can see our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors beside those of another and feel interest and warmth.
My Holy Nights' I is absolute, eternal, infinite, undying, incorruptible. It does not know struggle, burden, or threat. It does not contract or expand and cannot be divided. Like the sun, it relates to all things, neither hiding or withdrawing.
But in my ordinary I, I seek the familiar, the agreeable, and the pleasant, all that is easy to understand. Not finding the easy, I suffer and resist, I hide and withdraw. I attack.
Tolerance willingly, calmly, consciously endures the difficult and embraces the strange. Like the sun, it offers light and warmth and outlasts any darkness or cold.
When I overcome my ordinary feelings, reach into my sweet pot of tolerance, I find so much richness in my thoughts, my moods, my acts. I don't hate. I don't feel anxious. I don't hurt. My capacity to understand grows.
It is tolerance that warms and cools the breath we breathe in. I feel the warmth of my outbreath - the breath that I share with everyone. Tolerance breathes spiritual warmth into human consciousness.
Suggestions:
What thoughts, feelings, and behaviors can't you tolerate? I am sure you have stories of great justification, righteousness, and drama to support your intolerances. Please don't be upset with yourself - intolerant of yourself. This is a practice of just noticing, not judging. I certainly don't want to pretend I don't have intolerances. My intolerances point me to my growing edge of tolerance.
What did you tolerate this year? I am not asking what you suffered with, although you might begin your observations there. What moved from suffering to tolerance? Tolerance heals, liberates, and empowers your sense of self.
(This year I learned to tolerate the parenting I received so long ago. Through the mood of tolerance, I came to understand my parents.)
Did you witness tolerance? Did you see this impression of I appearing in someone else?
Remember at this time of year, you are seeing yourself from above your ordinary consciousness and through the lens of your Holy Nights' I.
Find your sweet pot of tolerance - tolerant thoughts, tolerant feelings, tolerant acts. Go dip yourself in that pot! It is a gift from your Holy Nights' I.
