One of the powerful and empowering inner gestures that will change your life (and change society) is to move beyond a victim-perpetrator consciousness. When we see ourselves as victims we fall prey to hatred. We hate ourselves for being a victim and we hate others
for being perpetrators. No love-of-self or love-of-other can emerge and flourish.
Pay attention to how often you fall into seeing yourself as a victim.
I am focusing my victim-awareness on my own self-sabotaging, self-neglecting, self-overwhelming habits. As a self-victim/perpetrator, I feel self-hatred. I seek self-rescue. I scream with self-blame. Then there are the
moments when I am on a run that goes from my childhood to lovers, to friends and these days to the White House and I gather up all the other perpetrators who make my life a story of victimhood. Quite a list! This victim-perpetrator consciousness is a dead end, a rabbit hole, a trap.
Going beyond the V/P drama is a very difficult gesture to practice. We must develop a gesture of innocence and wisdom which means we are free of
accusations, defenses, and judgments. We begin to question and observe with wonder. We ground ourselves in the moment. We let go of the need to control and dominate, to appease and please.
When we are triggered and collapse into victimhood we live in a state where innocence and wisdom cannot appear. We keep looking for rescue and we keep wanting to blame. We become anxious, addictive and prejudiced. Life is seen as an endless
struggle for survival. Enemies are everywhere.
To leave the V/P stories behind we must pay attention to each story with radical responsibility.
Radical responsibility embraces, redeems and transforms both the victim and the perpetrator in self and other. It asks questions, makes requests, understands limitations, celebrates strengths, and forms a supportive community that can welcome
differences and engage in compassionate conversation.
With radical responsibility, we can say Yes, No, Maybe and Later with confidence and authenticity. We can say with authority... Stop and Go Away. We can say This Hurts and Listen to Me. With strength we can say to ourselves Wait a Minute! What I am Feeling is an Old Feeling from an Old Story...I am
Triggered.
Radical responsibility also includes grieving and forgiving. We must never ignore or deny harm or suffering, but we must move through this agony of body, soul and spirit to reclaim, re-establish and celebrate the powers of innocence, wisdom and evolving selfhood.
I could write about this forever as it is so vital to the evolution of consciousness and the emergence of
inner peace. The path to compassion (there is no peace without first knowing compassion) seems to take us first through the wilderness of our soul where we are surrounded by the beasts of horror, threat, dread, shame and guilt.
We must at the very least make a list, ideally write a paragraph or more about each V/P story. It can be very freeing to then write the story from the perspective of the perpetrator. What are the
horrors, threats, and dreads of the perpetrator? This has been enormously helpful for me. I have found new compassion for the villains in my family and my life and this helps me get out the the victim mode.
Now in this season of Michaelmas with its task of being aware of evil, I encourage you to connect with the part of you that is capable of radical responsibility (definitely a Michaelic consciousness). Breathe deeply into that part and
then reach out to the part of you that carries the suffering of victimhood.
Print a copy of this post. Have the responsible self read it out loud to the suffering self. Then go to your journal and write out a compassionate conversation between your inner responsible self and your inner victim.
See what you learn about yourself as a victim. Please share them with
me.
Email me
