Outer Choices and Inner Consequences
Are you like me and my
clients? Do you struggle over choices? Are you afraid of the consequences? There are three inner consequences to every choice. Knowing what they are will change your life.
I spend so much of my life deciding, struggling with ambivalence and finally, making choices. The opposites seem equal. Choosing feels impossible. Red pill or blue pill? Chocolate or vanilla? This or that?
With many clients I am their sounding board for their need to choose. Do they stay married or do they divorce? Do they stay at the job or do they quit? Do they tell the truth or do thy hide their truth? These three big choices I see in my work as a spiritual mentor, listener, and coach.
I ask questions about happiness, integrity, authenticity, fulfillment, expectation,
consequences and risk. Risk is the big difficulty in choosing … the risk of not making the right choice. In most cases, when clients come to me the choice has already been made but risk of consequences is stopping them taking action.
The Three Consequences
Then
I encourage them in actively engaging with the three consequential feelings of making any choice:
They must celebrate. They must grieve. They must forgive.
All three are necessary. They don't come in any particular order but thinking about them over Easter made me
wonder if the archetypal order is grieving/Good Friday, forgiving/Holy Saturday and celebrating/Easter Sunday. I do think each of us needs to begin with the consequence that feels most doable.
Nothing enriches life more than every day for every choice celebrating, grieving, and forgiving. Each is an activity of the heart that heals, liberates and strengthens.
If you practice and explore these three feelings, choices will become more graceful and meaningful. You will be more full of courage, gratitude and love. You will come to know yourself beautifully. You will find choosing comes more soundly…even with the big three game changers: divorce, quitting, and truth-telling.
A chronically painful childhood can make celebrating, grieving and forgiving very, very difficult and thus,
standing for your choice, even a little choice, will feel impossible and not within your power.
Ambivalence I've realized is often a way of avoiding celebrating, grieving and forgiving. I am a master at forgiving but grieving seems forbidden as it would make me too vulnerable. Celebrating is getting easier, but I often want to hide rather than celebrate.
Just this self-awareness is a gift of soothing, strengthening and clarity.
Every Night for Every Choice
Every night since I recognized these consequences I ask myself before I fall asleep "What choice did I make today that I want to contemplate? What am I
celebrating about this choice? What am I grieving? What am I forgiving?" Often I journal. And I sleep more fully.
In the next three posts, I will go more deeply into these three gestures of our inner spirit: celebrating, grieving and forgiving. Meanwhile, give each gesture some attention, see what you can learn about yourself.
If you are a parent, think about encouraging
your children to celebrate, grieve and forgive.
If you have any questions or thoughts, email me.
